bloody_spy | For in_loveless

[Some conversations get personal quickly. But Nisei isn't emotionally invested enough in this one to mind. The serious look you're getting is mostly because he can tell that his smiles and lack of remorse were making you angry.]

[Nisei would emphatically reject the idea that he was forced. He is no one's victim. And he is Seimei's friend, even if it doesn't work both ways. That's normal, for a fighter, though it isn't something he's entirely comfortable with. Not caring is easier to explain than caring. It's a neutral space, in him, where you have a strong feeling. But he's not indifferent to what he did; he's undisturbed by it.]

[He wouldn't want you to insult Seimei, so he doesn't object. As long as you *know* you're letting your brother off the hook for, if anything, the more serious part of this, you aren't going to do anything too drastic to Nisei. As for being "sick" ...] I've been told that. But this is my true face, Ritsuka. I have many that get me in less trouble. But I don't have another one that's really me.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

in_loveless_memory

[Ritsuka's reason for hating violence is different than Kio's. It isn't that he doesn't believe it exists and even as he says there's a better way, he knows sometimes it really does come down to violence. But he doesn't want to fight. He hates fighting and the pain it causes. He is susceptible to it daily and he knows how it hurts. Ritsuka has built up lie after lie to protect himself from his mother's abuse, his father's neglect, the world of fighters and sacrifices. He has to protect himself because even though he's been given new knowledge of this strange underworld, that knowledge has been put into a mind with an already shaky foundation. Soubi's mind is fragile from his abandonment but only Ritsu-sensei, Seimei, Nisei, and even Ritsuka were only the ones who could truly break him. Soubi was a blank fighter desperately seeking a sacrifice and from every loss, a part of him would break a bit more. But Ritsuka? Ritsuka was created broken. He had no memories of his past ten years. He had lies and abuse on every side of him. He had built walls to defend himself and his mind but those walls were easy to destroy.

Ritsuka was vulnerable to anyone that got into his walls. Not just his fighter, but anyone who really knew how to hit the right targets could get him to fall apart, could bring him to his knees.

And Ritsuka, on some level, knows that. He doesn't want to use violence. He doesn't want to see anymore get broken or destroyed. He wasn't scared of violence. He faced it daily and refused to run away from his mother or yell at his father. He just refused to allow that to be used on anyone else. It didn't make him naive. Despite knowing nothing of the world of fighters and sacrifices, he was not naive to how people treated one another and the cruelty in their souls. But he refused to believe that was the only thing in them. Yuiko was proof, Natsuo, Youji, Soubi... all of them despite born and raised for the world of fighters seemed just as content hanging out and enjoying spending time with other people. He took a deep breath.]

It doesn't always need an "or else." There are enough people in the world who genuinely want peace and actually have the power to bring it about. We are not just base creatures who exist only for violence.

From:

bloody_spy

[You mean you're not, is right on the tip of his tongue. But he doesn't say it. You have enough reasons to hate him already. He goes with something less dismissive.]

If you're such a peaceful person, how come you're always two provocations away from looking like you want to hit me?

[[Mun is headdesking at Nisei's idea of "non-confrontational."]]

From:

in_loveless_memory

Looking and doing it aren't actually the same though. And because it's you.

From:

bloody_spy

[You get an eyeroll, at that.]

Okay, put it this way: a feeling that makes you leave me to Soubi's nonexistent mercy and chained to a wall isn't just your business. It's affecting me.

And really? I don't know why you have such a problem with me.

From:

in_loveless_memory

Why should he show mercy to you? And if you don't like getting chained to walls, perhaps you shouldn't antagonize the one doing the chaining.

From:

bloody_spy

He's not remotely the point. You are.

[Because you're the one rejecting violence, or trying to act like you have a problem with it. He doesn't expect mercy from Soubi, and Soubi couldn't expect it from him. But they're using roughly the same parameters on each other. And you're meta-criticizing something he can't see how you'd live without.]

From:

in_loveless_memory

After all the crap you put me and my friends through, why would I decide to be nice to you. You thought I was a good boy as if you knew me. But you know nothing about what I'm really like.

From:

bloody_spy

Really? What have I done to you, Ritsuka?

[The slightly puzzled, "I can't think of having done anything" look is perfect. He's willing to bet you don't know about the time he had that little talk with your mother. If you do, he'll find a way to justify it.]

From:

in_loveless_memory

You were involved in the kidnapping of Kio-san. You tried to hurt Soubi, and you're near Seimei. [The last part is jealousy, but Ritsuka doesn't see it as such.]

From:

bloody_spy

We needed Kio for leverage. [Against you, in case you turned against Seimei, but also to justify your cooperation to Seven Moons, in case it needed to look like he was armtwisting you. Seimei's strategizing paid off, when Soubi needed to be given a reason not to take Nisei apart.]

Soubi and I could hardly hate each other more. Only one of us would be left, if it weren't for instructions from you and Seimei. But I can assure you that I didn't single him out because he's your fighter or your friend.

Seimei ... isn't giving me anything that would otherwise be yours. When you decide to accept him, he'll probably want you with him all the time. You're a person. [He meant to add something like "I'm just his ~~dog~~ fighter," but it sticks in his throat. Saying that would be embarassing, in a way that it usually isn't, because you think fighters can be people.]

From:

in_loveless_memory

Did you know he was going to fake his death?

From:

bloody_spy

[Long silence.] I had about five days to acquire the things we'd need, replace his dental records, produce the corpse, and disappear. Seimei likes to keep his next move on a need-to-know basis, but I think that time something forced his hand.

From:

in_loveless_memory

Wh-who was killed in his place?

From:

bloody_spy

A low-profile enemy of Seimei's. No one you'd know. He seemed to guess what I was there for ... fought me with everything he had, but he was weak.

[Nisei doesn't know who he killed. Some fighter Seimei indicated. Some wretch he hasn't been able to learn anything useful about. That tells him who it wasn't, because his network is extensive. Those he doesn't recognize by name, alone, he knows by reputation. But this one ... wouldn't tell him his real name and Nisei didn't have time to break him properly. It's not something he can ask Seimei. If his sacrifice wanted him to know, he would have explained. Burning a complete stranger to death doesn't unnerve him. Being kept in the dark, though? Would be hard even if Seimei were a lot more trustworthy than he is.]

From:

in_loveless_memory

[It didn't matter that it wasn't "any one he would know." It was a person who had a family and a life. Maybe a little brother of his own. And now he was dead.

What else, had his brother done?]

From:

bloody_spy

[Nisei can't read your mind, but you look distraught about it. Not quite the effect he was going for.

As for having a family ... fighters normally don't. Not in the way you mean. They aren't raised. They're trained. You think Nisei has parents who would come looking for him if he were killed? He isn't even susceptible to social obligations. One strong, fateful bond seized his heart, and even that is something he's having to adjust to; something he never expected to feel. But being indifferent to the world at large isn't strange, for a fighter. How much consideration do the Zeros show for other people? How about Soubi? Nisei can understand his tolerating Kio, because Seimei always kept his other fighter at arm's length. And Soubi needs to be able to feel the thread coming out of his chest. His whole life is wrapped around it. With a sacrifice who made his presence felt, though ... there would only be one number on his cell phone. You know that, don't you?]

From:

in_loveless_memory

Why does the school want to kill him? And what do they want with me?

From:

bloody_spy

Your first question is one you should ask Seimei directly. [Nisei is sure he will want to explain that himself. He has no clue what your brother does or doesn't want you to know about it. But it's important enough that telling you something Seimei finds inconvenient could get him in a lot of trouble.]

What they want with you is a little more straightforward. [At least, on its face.] You're a sacrifice with no particular idea of how to be a sacrifice. They want you to stop brushing against the underworld like an outsider and train your powers as LOVELESS.

But you're right to be suspicious of the Academy, because there's a lot of overlap between Goura and Seven Moons. They're trying to turn you against your brother.

From:

in_loveless_memory

Well, then they didn't do their research. I would never turn against Seimei!

From:

bloody_spy

[Knowing Seven Moons, it's not a lack of research. ~~Ritsu-sensei has a way of manipulating other sacrifices by giving them enough slack to keep their dignity, whether they realize they're being moved or not~~. But Nisei smiles.]

Your brother's been ... hoping for that.

[Seimei's done so much and gone so far that he knows better than to take your affection for granted. There's so much more to him than the person you knew. But Nisei has seen how agitated he gets, when he really confronts the possibility that you might reject him. It's too terrible to contemplate. You're the only one Seimei loves and cares about being accepted by. He's too paranoid to let you change him, or let you know how much he depends on you. But it's his vulnarability that made his ice-walls so thick, when he last saw you.

There are a lot of things that Nisei really dislikes about you. As in, would exploit and hurt in a heartbeat, if you weren't under Seimei's protection. The way you absorb your mom's abuse, and heap your own recriminations on top of it, makes his skin crawl. And he's jealous, because without *doing* anything, you'll always be special to Seimei. You're weaker, you're softer, you're ignorant and easily lied to, and you still get an unconditional love that he'd kill for, and can't have. All of that said, he's glad that your feelings for Seimei are strong enough to burn through your reservations. He's glad that you're fierce about standing by your older brother. Nisei can't see you through his sacrifice's eyes, but he hates this whole situation a little less, knowing that Seimei chose someone who cares about him with just as much determined single-mindedness. And just as much disregard for external measures of right and wrong.]

From:

in_loveless_memory

Seimei could kill me, I would still love him. [He stands by this comment. And it is a single-mindedness. When he had though Seimei was murdered, he was driven to destroy whoever had done it. He wanted to make the people who took his brother from him suffer, and with Soubi by his side, he had had the means to do it. But then, Seimei wasn't dead. He could remember, written in blood, "Ritsuka I'm back." He hadn't been disgusted. He'd been excited. When he saw Seimei he hugged him, unable to believe his brother was alive once more. He wasn't repelled by the violence surely done to write the message in blood. He was upset about the things he had done to Soubi, but he still wanted to be beside Seimei. He loved his brother with a whole heart even though he hated being lied to. Because Seimei had lied, was still lying. But Ritsuka still loved him.]

From:

bloody_spy

['Had lied, is still lying' is an apt description of it. Given that it's Seimei, that part isn't likely to change.

Nisei's emotions disengage again from the conversation, like a fish undulating lazily into deeper water. This lets him think about what you're saying without distractions. His expression doesn't change.]

Then ... why don't you tell him? If you're willing to give up everything, what do you hesitate to lose?

From:

in_loveless_memory

I haven't been able to. Seimei cut off contact with me since the school incident. [Ritsuka's ears droop at knowing his brother was alive and he had no means of contacting him.]

From:

bloody_spy

[Oh. You don't even have his phone number at this point, do you? Seimei must have been pretty offended, by what you did say, to punish you like that. Though he hasn't really shared his feelings about it with Nisei.]

So ... if Seimei asked for your heart again, you wouldn't argue with him.

[It's a statement, that might be hiding a question: then why did you hold out on him before?]