For in_loveless_memory.

[bloody_spy]

[Some conversations get personal quickly. But Nisei isn't emotionally invested enough in this one to mind. The serious look you're getting is mostly because he can tell that his smiles and lack of remorse were making you angry.]

[Nisei would emphatically reject the idea that he was forced. He is no one's victim. And he is Seimei's friend, even if it doesn't work both ways. That's normal, for a fighter, though it isn't something he's entirely comfortable with. Not caring is easier to explain than caring. It's a neutral space, in him, where you have a strong feeling. But he's not indifferent to what he did; he's undisturbed by it.]

[He wouldn't want you to insult Seimei, so he doesn't object. As long as you *know* you're letting your brother off the hook for, if anything, the more serious part of this, you aren't going to do anything too drastic to Nisei. As for being "sick" ...] I've been told that. But this is my true face, Ritsuka. I have many that get me in less trouble. But I don't have another one that's really me.

Comments

[in_loveless_memory]

Why does the school want to kill him? And what do they want with me?

[bloody_spy]

Your first question is one you should ask Seimei directly. [Nisei is sure he will want to explain that himself. He has no clue what your brother does or doesn't want you to know about it. But it's important enough that telling you something Seimei finds inconvenient could get him in a lot of trouble.]

What they want with you is a little more straightforward. [At least, on its face.] You're a sacrifice with no particular idea of how to be a sacrifice. They want you to stop brushing against the underworld like an outsider and train your powers as LOVELESS.

But you're right to be suspicious of the Academy, because there's a lot of overlap between Goura and Seven Moons. They're trying to turn you against your brother.

[in_loveless_memory]

Well, then they didn't do their research. I would never turn against Seimei!

[bloody_spy]

[Knowing Seven Moons, it's not a lack of research. Ritsu-sensei has a way of manipulating other sacrifices by giving them enough slack to keep their dignity, whether they realize they're being moved or not. But Nisei smiles.]

Your brother's been ... hoping for that.

[Seimei's done so much and gone so far that he knows better than to take your affection for granted. There's so much more to him than the person you knew. But Nisei has seen how agitated he gets, when he really confronts the possibility that you might reject him. It's too terrible to contemplate. You're the only one Seimei loves and cares about being accepted by. He's too paranoid to let you change him, or let you know how much he depends on you. But it's his vulnarability that made his ice-walls so thick, when he last saw you.

There are a lot of things that Nisei really dislikes about you. As in, would exploit and hurt in a heartbeat, if you weren't under Seimei's protection. The way you absorb your mom's abuse, and heap your own recriminations on top of it, makes his skin crawl. And he's jealous, because without *doing* anything, you'll always be special to Seimei. You're weaker, you're softer, you're ignorant and easily lied to, and you still get an unconditional love that he'd kill for, and can't have. All of that said, he's glad that your feelings for Seimei are strong enough to burn through your reservations. He's glad that you're fierce about standing by your older brother. Nisei can't see you through his sacrifice's eyes, but he hates this whole situation a little less, knowing that Seimei chose someone who cares about him with just as much determined single-mindedness. And just as much disregard for external measures of right and wrong.]

[in_loveless_memory]

Seimei could kill me, I would still love him. [He stands by this comment. And it is a single-mindedness. When he had though Seimei was murdered, he was driven to destroy whoever had done it. He wanted to make the people who took his brother from him suffer, and with Soubi by his side, he had had the means to do it. But then, Seimei wasn't dead. He could remember, written in blood, "Ritsuka I'm back." He hadn't been disgusted. He'd been excited. When he saw Seimei he hugged him, unable to believe his brother was alive once more. He wasn't repelled by the violence surely done to write the message in blood. He was upset about the things he had done to Soubi, but he still wanted to be beside Seimei. He loved his brother with a whole heart even though he hated being lied to. Because Seimei had lied, was still lying. But Ritsuka still loved him.]

[bloody_spy]

['Had lied, is still lying' is an apt description of it. Given that it's Seimei, that part isn't likely to change.

Nisei's emotions disengage again from the conversation, like a fish undulating lazily into deeper water. This lets him think about what you're saying without distractions. His expression doesn't change.]

Then ... why don't you tell him? If you're willing to give up everything, what do you hesitate to lose?

Ritsuka just posted a reaction post to the recent raws on DM

[in_loveless_memory]

I haven't been able to. Seimei cut off contact with me since the school incident. [Ritsuka's ears droop at knowing his brother was alive and he had no means of contacting him.]

I saw, but I think we may sit this one out.

[bloody_spy]

[Oh. You don't even have his phone number at this point, do you? Seimei must have been pretty offended, by what you did say, to punish you like that. Though he hasn't really shared his feelings about it with Nisei.]

So ... if Seimei asked for your heart again, you wouldn't argue with him.

[It's a statement, that might be hiding a question: then why did you hold out on him before?]

Sokay <3

[in_loveless_memory]

Again? [His ears perked.] He hasn't. And he still owes Soubi an explanation! I deserve an explanation!

Ah, thanks <3

[bloody_spy]

Isn't that what he wanted from you, when you ran into him at Goura?

Seimei can't owe Soubi anything. Soubi is a self-described object. [Says this as if he's trying to explain the obvious, without implying that you're stupid for needing to be told.]

What you deserve and what you get aren't the same thing, with Seimei. I'm sure you've learned to accept that. [This makes perfect sense in Nisei's mind: the only way to be aware of what Seimei is, and feel close to him, is to throw away everything else you've been taught about what makes a person love-able. It's all trash and theory, isn't it, when your heart is his, regardless. That's what love is, right? ... Not being able to turn the feeling on or off.]

[in_loveless_memory]

No. No, owning someone isn't love. People own themselves. Demanding everything from someone is wrong. We aren't things or objects. Even you [Though he scowls saying it.] are your own person and belong only to yourself!

[bloody_spy]

[That nearly earns you a twitch. If there's one thing that's worse than not having a choice and knowing it, it's having to argue with someone who insists that something you've been coerced into *actually is your choice*. Nisei has a sense of self. He's aware that, in many ways, being a fighter is a bad deal. But you might as well be telling someone who can barely get around without a crutch that, actually, the most efficient way to climb a flight of stairs is to use both feet. He knows that. He can't. He's tried, but the results are far from optimal. And anyone who could just up and walk ... wouldn't need to be told.]

Don't say nonsense. [It's sharp and hard, in contrast to everything he's said so far.] You don't know what a fighter is, or what a fighter should be, and I am not a good example of either. [His tone unconsciously matches yours, when he refers to himself, but then his voice smooths out.] What you do know is what it's like to grow up with the soul of a sacrifice. If dealing with Soubi hasn't shown you that you're very different from him, I don't know what will. But you're the only person here. [His words have a muted sort of venom.]

[in_loveless_memory]

Soubi is messed up because of people like Ritsu and Seimei telling him he's an object. But I've met plenty of fighters who see themselves as people and not just objects to their sacrifices. I've even met sacrifices and fighter pairs that hate one another!

[bloody_spy]

[Nisei's shoulders move a few times as he smiles; broadly. Cruelly. He's not laughing, but close. You managed to snap the tension by talking about things you really don't understand.] You mean you've met plenty of fighters who play at having something like independence. Because their sacrifices don't object.

With pairs that hate one another [he just has to ask] ... who do you mean?

[in_loveless_memory]

Don't you dare talk to me like that! [He hisses. He hates that tone. He hates the way Nisei mocks him by just a single word. He supposes he shouldn't be surprised that a fighter knows how to cut someone down with words.]

Your associates, Bloodless. They despise one another. And clearly your stupid school doesn't think anything about tearing up a pair since I know they weren't the original pair. Your whole system is messed up. You all tout this notion about being complete in your pair, then why do you make fighters who can't even feel or split up a pair in the off-chance it might make them stronger when everyone knows that a pair with opposite names already makes them weaker.

[bloody_spy]

[Nisei has to force himself not to flinch, at the tone you just used on him, but it's invisible, automatic. You're not Seimei, so that degree of sudden, violent resentment doesn't mean he's about to be cut back down to size. It just means you're a child - used to making a fuss and having to snarl before anyone takes what you're saying seriously. But he does let his smile wear off, before he says anything else, so you don't think he's looking down on you.]

The academy is not my school, except in the sense that I went there. But they reserve the right to break their own rules. Or, you know ... laws of nature, willful brats, and anything else. [He trails off, thinking what to say about BLOODLESS.] Hideo wants answers and revenge. That's part of why he's willing to work with us. The trailing ends that killed his sacrifice are long dead, but he doesn't know who their orders came from. Anyway, he hates Yuri for replacing his partner; for being the inverted equivalent of a blank. He can't kill him, and he can't die. [And there isn't a word for what Yuri is, because it's completely unlike anything that would happen, outside of a particularly demented experiment. Nisei glances at you.] You did realize Yuri's the sacrifice, right?

[in_loveless_memory]

Yes, I was well aware the she was the sacrifice. But Hideo let her fight alone. They had no desire to work together. And any place that treats people like objects even in this day and age is wrong. [And it was. Nisei could call him foolish and naive all he wanted but the truth was, the system was screwed up and plain wrong.]

[bloody_spy]

[Nisei isn't going to call Ritsuka anything of the sort. He's never liked being treated like a thing with a use; being handled, rather than reasoned with. As Seimei's fighter, he can have stuff he likes, and stuff he hates. He's allowed to get tired and say so. He's allowed to be an impertinent wretch who may *know* his place, but doesn't stay there. Seimei would rather have a fighter who's visibly alive, even if it isn't as obedient, and Nisei's intensely grateful for that.

And yet, he knows your world. Assuming that if it looks like a person and can fake person-ness, it's a human being is ... about the only thing that it has to recommend it. He knows anyone from there would be appalled, at what he puts up with. But they'd be just as horrified that he's killed people, and he really doesn't have any reason to care what they think. He's considered a bad thing here. He'd be considered a bad thing there, if they could see him for what he is. And this, for all the things he doesn't like, still feels like home. His sacrifice more than anything, but all of it. The violence, the magic ... the deception, intrigue, and sense of living beyond all safety measures. Nisei has blood on his hands, and he wouldn't have it otherwise. Even if it kills him, sooner rather than later, it's still better than having to feel like he's in some sort of human zoo, where everyone is being artificially protected from each other. That's all the upper world is, to him: a more boring cage, with lots of empty talk about freedom.]

What I meant was - BLOODLESS is as far from being a team as it gets, without one of them dying. And what makes you think fighters are people, anyway?

[in_loveless_memory]

I know they're people. Soubi and Natsuo have likes, dislikes. They have desires and wants and needs. They may love their sacrifices, but Natsuo has called Youji stupid. Ai from Breathless has gotten angry, needing to be calmed down. Even the zero girls, went to school and had personalities different from Natsuo and Soubi. If you weren't people, if you weren't individuals, you would all be exactly the same. You, Soubi, Natsuo, Ai, all of you, would be exactly the same because you wouldn't be people. Soubi wouldn't have parents, he would be created in a lab. But even then, Natsuo and Youji care for Nagisa-sensei.

[bloody_spy]

[He was right to ask that. You seem to have a different definition.]

Being an object, specifically, is more of an ideal than a statement of fact. Not all fighters can do that, and not all sacrifices want that. But Soubi is a living thing. With any situation that doesn't affect his sacrifice, he wants or doesn't want, likes or doesn't like, in a disinterested, "but if I get something I hate, it doesn't matter" way. His sense of self is completely negotiable. As long as you're his master, it belongs to you. He is an it because there's nothing about him that isn't under your control. Or ... [amending] couldn't be, if you took control. He wants to be used, but normally, even that wouldn't happen - he wouldn't lay around enough to be able to think "I wish I weren't gathering dust." Your fighter becomes as much a part of you as either of your hands. And you're much more important to him than that. You can survive losing him. Probably. But without you, he'll die. [It's emotionless, matter-of-fact.]

As for ... animals have likes and dislikes. And parents, and feelings. By your definition, they'd be people.

[in_loveless_memory]

[No, no he refused. He refused to let that be the case. Soubi had been treated that way by others, but Ritsuka wouldn't do that to him. He wouldn't treat Soubi like he was something to order around who had no concerns about what his fighter wanted. He glared at Nisei.]

Do you attend school that isn't Goura? [Which actually made him wonder how Soubi even got into college if he was at Goura for his entire young life.] Do you own things in your name? Soubi paints. No sacrifice has told him to do that. He attends school with other people.

[bloody_spy]

I do. It's useful cover. [He's as casual about actually going to his classes as Soubi, though.] I don't buy anything that expensive. And painting [you get a blank, genuinely puzzled look] ... what makes you think he wasn't ordered to do that?

[in_loveless_memory]

What do you mean?

[bloody_spy]

Ritsu-sensei's students tend to have something they can do really well, apart from fighting. Actually, it's not generally one thing. I'm guessing Soubi can also cook and treat injuries and stuff. But there's one thing that has no obvious, practical application. You'd have to ask him what it's for. [It's pretty clear from the emphasis he puts on the word that he means Ritsu, not Soubi.] It's classic, though. Not optional. Fighters that are being trained as objects don't get free time. And much less art supplies.

[in_loveless_memory]

I don't believe you. And yes, while Soubi can cook and tend small injuries even I can do that. [Not a good counter example, Ritsuka] He enjoys drawing. He's even taken me to comic conventions. [He's unaware Soubi has never before gone before Ritsuka's own interest.]