For in_loveless_memory.

[bloody_spy]

[Some conversations get personal quickly. But Nisei isn't emotionally invested enough in this one to mind. The serious look you're getting is mostly because he can tell that his smiles and lack of remorse were making you angry.]

[Nisei would emphatically reject the idea that he was forced. He is no one's victim. And he is Seimei's friend, even if it doesn't work both ways. That's normal, for a fighter, though it isn't something he's entirely comfortable with. Not caring is easier to explain than caring. It's a neutral space, in him, where you have a strong feeling. But he's not indifferent to what he did; he's undisturbed by it.]

[He wouldn't want you to insult Seimei, so he doesn't object. As long as you *know* you're letting your brother off the hook for, if anything, the more serious part of this, you aren't going to do anything too drastic to Nisei. As for being "sick" ...] I've been told that. But this is my true face, Ritsuka. I have many that get me in less trouble. But I don't have another one that's really me.

Comments

[in_loveless_memory]

After all the crap you put me and my friends through, why would I decide to be nice to you. You thought I was a good boy as if you knew me. But you know nothing about what I'm really like.

[bloody_spy]

Really? What have I done to you, Ritsuka?

[The slightly puzzled, "I can't think of having done anything" look is perfect. He's willing to bet you don't know about the time he had that little talk with your mother. If you do, he'll find a way to justify it.]

[in_loveless_memory]

You were involved in the kidnapping of Kio-san. You tried to hurt Soubi, and you're near Seimei. [The last part is jealousy, but Ritsuka doesn't see it as such.]

[bloody_spy]

We needed Kio for leverage. [Against you, in case you turned against Seimei, but also to justify your cooperation to Seven Moons, in case it needed to look like he was armtwisting you. Seimei's strategizing paid off, when Soubi needed to be given a reason not to take Nisei apart.]

Soubi and I could hardly hate each other more. Only one of us would be left, if it weren't for instructions from you and Seimei. But I can assure you that I didn't single him out because he's your fighter or your friend.

Seimei ... isn't giving me anything that would otherwise be yours. When you decide to accept him, he'll probably want you with him all the time. You're a person. [He meant to add something like "I'm just his dog fighter," but it sticks in his throat. Saying that would be embarassing, in a way that it usually isn't, because you think fighters can be people.]

[in_loveless_memory]

Did you know he was going to fake his death?

[bloody_spy]

[Long silence.] I had about five days to acquire the things we'd need, replace his dental records, produce the corpse, and disappear. Seimei likes to keep his next move on a need-to-know basis, but I think that time something forced his hand.

[in_loveless_memory]

Wh-who was killed in his place?

[bloody_spy]

A low-profile enemy of Seimei's. No one you'd know. He seemed to guess what I was there for ... fought me with everything he had, but he was weak.

[Nisei doesn't know who he killed. Some fighter Seimei indicated. Some wretch he hasn't been able to learn anything useful about. That tells him who it wasn't, because his network is extensive. Those he doesn't recognize by name, alone, he knows by reputation. But this one ... wouldn't tell him his real name and Nisei didn't have time to break him properly. It's not something he can ask Seimei. If his sacrifice wanted him to know, he would have explained. Burning a complete stranger to death doesn't unnerve him. Being kept in the dark, though? Would be hard even if Seimei were a lot more trustworthy than he is.]

[in_loveless_memory]

[It didn't matter that it wasn't "any one he would know." It was a person who had a family and a life. Maybe a little brother of his own. And now he was dead.

What else, had his brother done?]

[bloody_spy]

[Nisei can't read your mind, but you look distraught about it. Not quite the effect he was going for.

As for having a family ... fighters normally don't. Not in the way you mean. They aren't raised. They're trained. You think Nisei has parents who would come looking for him if he were killed? He isn't even susceptible to social obligations. One strong, fateful bond seized his heart, and even that is something he's having to adjust to; something he never expected to feel. But being indifferent to the world at large isn't strange, for a fighter. How much consideration do the Zeros show for other people? How about Soubi? Nisei can understand his tolerating Kio, because Seimei always kept his other fighter at arm's length. And Soubi needs to be able to feel the thread coming out of his chest. His whole life is wrapped around it. With a sacrifice who made his presence felt, though ... there would only be one number on his cell phone. You know that, don't you?]

[in_loveless_memory]

Why does the school want to kill him? And what do they want with me?

[bloody_spy]

Your first question is one you should ask Seimei directly. [Nisei is sure he will want to explain that himself. He has no clue what your brother does or doesn't want you to know about it. But it's important enough that telling you something Seimei finds inconvenient could get him in a lot of trouble.]

What they want with you is a little more straightforward. [At least, on its face.] You're a sacrifice with no particular idea of how to be a sacrifice. They want you to stop brushing against the underworld like an outsider and train your powers as LOVELESS.

But you're right to be suspicious of the Academy, because there's a lot of overlap between Goura and Seven Moons. They're trying to turn you against your brother.

[in_loveless_memory]

Well, then they didn't do their research. I would never turn against Seimei!

[bloody_spy]

[Knowing Seven Moons, it's not a lack of research. Ritsu-sensei has a way of manipulating other sacrifices by giving them enough slack to keep their dignity, whether they realize they're being moved or not. But Nisei smiles.]

Your brother's been ... hoping for that.

[Seimei's done so much and gone so far that he knows better than to take your affection for granted. There's so much more to him than the person you knew. But Nisei has seen how agitated he gets, when he really confronts the possibility that you might reject him. It's too terrible to contemplate. You're the only one Seimei loves and cares about being accepted by. He's too paranoid to let you change him, or let you know how much he depends on you. But it's his vulnarability that made his ice-walls so thick, when he last saw you.

There are a lot of things that Nisei really dislikes about you. As in, would exploit and hurt in a heartbeat, if you weren't under Seimei's protection. The way you absorb your mom's abuse, and heap your own recriminations on top of it, makes his skin crawl. And he's jealous, because without *doing* anything, you'll always be special to Seimei. You're weaker, you're softer, you're ignorant and easily lied to, and you still get an unconditional love that he'd kill for, and can't have. All of that said, he's glad that your feelings for Seimei are strong enough to burn through your reservations. He's glad that you're fierce about standing by your older brother. Nisei can't see you through his sacrifice's eyes, but he hates this whole situation a little less, knowing that Seimei chose someone who cares about him with just as much determined single-mindedness. And just as much disregard for external measures of right and wrong.]

[in_loveless_memory]

Seimei could kill me, I would still love him. [He stands by this comment. And it is a single-mindedness. When he had though Seimei was murdered, he was driven to destroy whoever had done it. He wanted to make the people who took his brother from him suffer, and with Soubi by his side, he had had the means to do it. But then, Seimei wasn't dead. He could remember, written in blood, "Ritsuka I'm back." He hadn't been disgusted. He'd been excited. When he saw Seimei he hugged him, unable to believe his brother was alive once more. He wasn't repelled by the violence surely done to write the message in blood. He was upset about the things he had done to Soubi, but he still wanted to be beside Seimei. He loved his brother with a whole heart even though he hated being lied to. Because Seimei had lied, was still lying. But Ritsuka still loved him.]

[bloody_spy]

['Had lied, is still lying' is an apt description of it. Given that it's Seimei, that part isn't likely to change.

Nisei's emotions disengage again from the conversation, like a fish undulating lazily into deeper water. This lets him think about what you're saying without distractions. His expression doesn't change.]

Then ... why don't you tell him? If you're willing to give up everything, what do you hesitate to lose?

Ritsuka just posted a reaction post to the recent raws on DM

[in_loveless_memory]

I haven't been able to. Seimei cut off contact with me since the school incident. [Ritsuka's ears droop at knowing his brother was alive and he had no means of contacting him.]

I saw, but I think we may sit this one out.

[bloody_spy]

[Oh. You don't even have his phone number at this point, do you? Seimei must have been pretty offended, by what you did say, to punish you like that. Though he hasn't really shared his feelings about it with Nisei.]

So ... if Seimei asked for your heart again, you wouldn't argue with him.

[It's a statement, that might be hiding a question: then why did you hold out on him before?]

Sokay <3

[in_loveless_memory]

Again? [His ears perked.] He hasn't. And he still owes Soubi an explanation! I deserve an explanation!

Ah, thanks <3

[bloody_spy]

Isn't that what he wanted from you, when you ran into him at Goura?

Seimei can't owe Soubi anything. Soubi is a self-described object. [Says this as if he's trying to explain the obvious, without implying that you're stupid for needing to be told.]

What you deserve and what you get aren't the same thing, with Seimei. I'm sure you've learned to accept that. [This makes perfect sense in Nisei's mind: the only way to be aware of what Seimei is, and feel close to him, is to throw away everything else you've been taught about what makes a person love-able. It's all trash and theory, isn't it, when your heart is his, regardless. That's what love is, right? ... Not being able to turn the feeling on or off.]

[in_loveless_memory]

No. No, owning someone isn't love. People own themselves. Demanding everything from someone is wrong. We aren't things or objects. Even you [Though he scowls saying it.] are your own person and belong only to yourself!

[bloody_spy]

[That nearly earns you a twitch. If there's one thing that's worse than not having a choice and knowing it, it's having to argue with someone who insists that something you've been coerced into *actually is your choice*. Nisei has a sense of self. He's aware that, in many ways, being a fighter is a bad deal. But you might as well be telling someone who can barely get around without a crutch that, actually, the most efficient way to climb a flight of stairs is to use both feet. He knows that. He can't. He's tried, but the results are far from optimal. And anyone who could just up and walk ... wouldn't need to be told.]

Don't say nonsense. [It's sharp and hard, in contrast to everything he's said so far.] You don't know what a fighter is, or what a fighter should be, and I am not a good example of either. [His tone unconsciously matches yours, when he refers to himself, but then his voice smooths out.] What you do know is what it's like to grow up with the soul of a sacrifice. If dealing with Soubi hasn't shown you that you're very different from him, I don't know what will. But you're the only person here. [His words have a muted sort of venom.]

[in_loveless_memory]

Soubi is messed up because of people like Ritsu and Seimei telling him he's an object. But I've met plenty of fighters who see themselves as people and not just objects to their sacrifices. I've even met sacrifices and fighter pairs that hate one another!

[bloody_spy]

[Nisei's shoulders move a few times as he smiles; broadly. Cruelly. He's not laughing, but close. You managed to snap the tension by talking about things you really don't understand.] You mean you've met plenty of fighters who play at having something like independence. Because their sacrifices don't object.

With pairs that hate one another [he just has to ask] ... who do you mean?

[in_loveless_memory]

Don't you dare talk to me like that! [He hisses. He hates that tone. He hates the way Nisei mocks him by just a single word. He supposes he shouldn't be surprised that a fighter knows how to cut someone down with words.]

Your associates, Bloodless. They despise one another. And clearly your stupid school doesn't think anything about tearing up a pair since I know they weren't the original pair. Your whole system is messed up. You all tout this notion about being complete in your pair, then why do you make fighters who can't even feel or split up a pair in the off-chance it might make them stronger when everyone knows that a pair with opposite names already makes them weaker.