bloody_spy | For in_loveless

Entry tags:

cr,
ritsuka

For in_loveless_memory.

[Some conversations get personal quickly. But Nisei isn't emotionally invested enough in this one to mind. The serious look you're getting is mostly because he can tell that his smiles and lack of remorse were making you angry.]

[Nisei would emphatically reject the idea that he was forced. He is no one's victim. And he is Seimei's friend, even if it doesn't work both ways. That's normal, for a fighter, though it isn't something he's entirely comfortable with. Not caring is easier to explain than caring. It's a neutral space, in him, where you have a strong feeling. But he's not indifferent to what he did; he's undisturbed by it.]

[He wouldn't want you to insult Seimei, so he doesn't object. As long as you *know* you're letting your brother off the hook for, if anything, the more serious part of this, you aren't going to do anything too drastic to Nisei. As for being "sick" ...] I've been told that. But this is my true face, Ritsuka. I have many that get me in less trouble. But I don't have another one that's really me.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Nisei is aware of the attempts at kidnapping, thanks to his spying on Ritsuka. But as that's not the only way he could know about it, he doesn't mind bringing it up. Seimei's reasons are, as always, unorthodox and personal. But he had a hereditary position of some importance at Seven Moons. And he was only three years younger than Soubi when he claimed him as his fighter, so while the age difference between him and Ritsu is very great, it's not pronounced between Semei and Soubi. Not since your brother reached his adult height, anyway. The system itself ... is too old and vast for Nisei to make sense of. It has an implacable, internal logic, but the direct connection, the "this is where we will stand, in relation to the whole" depends on the sacrifice.]

[Nisei isn't going to denigrate your having friends. It's just difficult to maintain interest in low-intensity social attachments, when you belong to an environment that would traumatize anyone normal. You were getting a little of that, from living with your mother's rages. There was something in your life that made the emotional ups and downs that bent other kids out of shape, at school, seem trivial and stupid. Seimei's "death" further separated you from them. But having a fighter, and still trying to be home before curfew, must be a whole other level of weird. You couldn't be yourself to begin with, couldn't share what you were going through even then. And now that you (finally) don't have to face it all alone, Soubi wants a relationship that's turned up to eleven. At least. Or better said, doesn't know how to exist without it. Where, exactly, does that leave your friends, Ritsuka? Do they even know you? But Nisei has the sense not to put you on the spot by asking.]

[It irks him that you think he chose to be a fighter, and think he's incapable of - ] You're assuming a lot. I manage out there. It's the ones that did well at Goura and actually believe they're objects that have trouble, if they have to interact much with outsiders.

There's nothing pointless about having magic in your blood. Your school's done a real number on you, if you don't understand fighting. That world doesn't have less violence. It's just concentrated in fewer hands. [Said with thinly-diguised contempt, for anyone who expects to be protected but thinks the weapon protecting them is a necessary evil at best. Nisei has had to fight since he was tiny, and thinks pacifism is an extremely stupid luxury.]

Magic? Is that what you decide to call it? [He had yet to hear anyone call it anything other than just word spells. He supposed you could call it that. But at his demand about violence his eyes narrowed.] Don't think me naive just because I don't think violence is the answer to everything like you seem to. There are better ways and your thinking that there can't be anything other than violence and because you have power that just makes this world dangerous. It's stupid people with power, that school isn't any better for wanting to kill Seimei. Violence perpetuates violence. Seimei hides because they're trying to kill him, and then blinds Ritsu-sensei.

For someone who claims who "manages" don't you dare lie to me that you show people your true face. You lie otherwise that very violence you like to tout would be used on you all the time. [Because Ritsuka himself just wants to hit Nisei, he can only imagine the adults that want to do worse.] You aren't better than me because I try to make my mom happy when you just lie as a whole.

I didn't decide to call it anything. But I can shatter steel just by talking to it. [And break people just as easily.] Word spells are magic.

Violence has limits. A lot of things can be worked out with more subtlety. But only as long as there's someone there, in the background, carrying the "or else." You haven't been forced into any number of things because Soubi's will is enforced with word spells. And the people you were around, before you met him, couldn't fight worth a damn. So your sharp tongue was weapon enough. [To Nisei, can't fight and I'm scared to are serious weaknesses, that outsiders gloss over with an abstract, generic objection to using force. They wouldn't survive Goura if their lives depended on it. Without Soubi, neither would you. But you need a lot more protection than a normal sacrifice would, because you're treating violence like an optional thing, that will only be used against you if you agree to play by those rules. And it isn't. It really isn't.]

Of course I don't show most people my true face. But if I've seen theirs, it's despite their best efforts to hide it. So how am I lying, Ritsuka? And anyway, if what I really am is singled out, I'm under no obligation to stand quietly and await punishment. [It's faintly sardonic.]

[Ritsuka's reason for hating violence is different than Kio's. It isn't that he doesn't believe it exists and even as he says there's a better way, he knows sometimes it really does come down to violence. But he doesn't want to fight. He hates fighting and the pain it causes. He is susceptible to it daily and he knows how it hurts. Ritsuka has built up lie after lie to protect himself from his mother's abuse, his father's neglect, the world of fighters and sacrifices. He has to protect himself because even though he's been given new knowledge of this strange underworld, that knowledge has been put into a mind with an already shaky foundation. Soubi's mind is fragile from his abandonment but only Ritsu-sensei, Seimei, Nisei, and even Ritsuka were only the ones who could truly break him. Soubi was a blank fighter desperately seeking a sacrifice and from every loss, a part of him would break a bit more. But Ritsuka? Ritsuka was created broken. He had no memories of his past ten years. He had lies and abuse on every side of him. He had built walls to defend himself and his mind but those walls were easy to destroy.

Ritsuka was vulnerable to anyone that got into his walls. Not just his fighter, but anyone who really knew how to hit the right targets could get him to fall apart, could bring him to his knees.

And Ritsuka, on some level, knows that. He doesn't want to use violence. He doesn't want to see anymore get broken or destroyed. He wasn't scared of violence. He faced it daily and refused to run away from his mother or yell at his father. He just refused to allow that to be used on anyone else. It didn't make him naive. Despite knowing nothing of the world of fighters and sacrifices, he was not naive to how people treated one another and the cruelty in their souls. But he refused to believe that was the only thing in them. Yuiko was proof, Natsuo, Youji, Soubi... all of them despite born and raised for the world of fighters seemed just as content hanging out and enjoying spending time with other people. He took a deep breath.]

It doesn't always need an "or else." There are enough people in the world who genuinely want peace and actually have the power to bring it about. We are not just base creatures who exist only for violence.

[You mean you're not, is right on the tip of his tongue. But he doesn't say it. You have enough reasons to hate him already. He goes with something less dismissive.]

If you're such a peaceful person, how come you're always two provocations away from looking like you want to hit me?

[[Mun is headdesking at Nisei's idea of "non-confrontational."]]

Looking and doing it aren't actually the same though. And because it's you.

[You get an eyeroll, at that.]

Okay, put it this way: a feeling that makes you leave me to Soubi's nonexistent mercy and chained to a wall isn't just your business. It's affecting me.

And really? I don't know why you have such a problem with me.

Why should he show mercy to you? And if you don't like getting chained to walls, perhaps you shouldn't antagonize the one doing the chaining.

He's not remotely the point. You are.

[Because you're the one rejecting violence, or trying to act like you have a problem with it. He doesn't expect mercy from Soubi, and Soubi couldn't expect it from him. But they're using roughly the same parameters on each other. And you're meta-criticizing something he can't see how you'd live without.]

After all the crap you put me and my friends through, why would I decide to be nice to you. You thought I was a good boy as if you knew me. But you know nothing about what I'm really like.

Really? What have I done to you, Ritsuka?

[The slightly puzzled, "I can't think of having done anything" look is perfect. He's willing to bet you don't know about the time he had that little talk with your mother. If you do, he'll find a way to justify it.]

You were involved in the kidnapping of Kio-san. You tried to hurt Soubi, and you're near Seimei. [The last part is jealousy, but Ritsuka doesn't see it as such.]

We needed Kio for leverage. [Against you, in case you turned against Seimei, but also to justify your cooperation to Seven Moons, in case it needed to look like he was armtwisting you. Seimei's strategizing paid off, when Soubi needed to be given a reason not to take Nisei apart.]

Soubi and I could hardly hate each other more. Only one of us would be left, if it weren't for instructions from you and Seimei. But I can assure you that I didn't single him out because he's your fighter or your friend.

Seimei ... isn't giving me anything that would otherwise be yours. When you decide to accept him, he'll probably want you with him all the time. You're a person. [He meant to add something like "I'm just his ~~dog~~ fighter," but it sticks in his throat. Saying that would be embarassing, in a way that it usually isn't, because you think fighters can be people.]

Did you know he was going to fake his death?

[Long silence.] I had about five days to acquire the things we'd need, replace his dental records, produce the corpse, and disappear. Seimei likes to keep his next move on a need-to-know basis, but I think that time something forced his hand.

Wh-who was killed in his place?

A low-profile enemy of Seimei's. No one you'd know. He seemed to guess what I was there for ... fought me with everything he had, but he was weak.

[Nisei doesn't know who he killed. Some fighter Seimei indicated. Some wretch he hasn't been able to learn anything useful about. That tells him who it wasn't, because his network is extensive. Those he doesn't recognize by name, alone, he knows by reputation. But this one ... wouldn't tell him his real name and Nisei didn't have time to break him properly. It's not something he can ask Seimei. If his sacrifice wanted him to know, he would have explained. Burning a complete stranger to death doesn't unnerve him. Being kept in the dark, though? Would be hard even if Seimei were a lot more trustworthy than he is.]

[It didn't matter that it wasn't "any one he would know." It was a person who had a family and a life. Maybe a little brother of his own. And now he was dead.

What else, had his brother done?]

[Nisei can't read your mind, but you look distraught about it. Not quite the effect he was going for.

As for having a family ... fighters normally don't. Not in the way you mean. They aren't raised. They're trained. You think Nisei has parents who would come looking for him if he were killed? He isn't even susceptible to social obligations. One strong, fateful bond seized his heart, and even that is something he's having to adjust to; something he never expected to feel. But being indifferent to the world at large isn't strange, for a fighter. How much consideration do the Zeros show for other people? How about Soubi? Nisei can understand his tolerating Kio, because Seimei always kept his other fighter at arm's length. And Soubi needs to be able to feel the thread coming out of his chest. His whole life is wrapped around it. With a sacrifice who made his presence felt, though ... there would only be one number on his cell phone. You know that, don't you?]

Why does the school want to kill him? And what do they want with me?

Your first question is one you should ask Seimei directly. [Nisei is sure he will want to explain that himself. He has no clue what your brother does or doesn't want you to know about it. But it's important enough that telling you something Seimei finds inconvenient could get him in a lot of trouble.]

What they want with you is a little more straightforward. [At least, on its face.] You're a sacrifice with no particular idea of how to be a sacrifice. They want you to stop brushing against the underworld like an outsider and train your powers as LOVELESS.

But you're right to be suspicious of the Academy, because there's a lot of overlap between Goura and Seven Moons. They're trying to turn you against your brother.

Well, then they didn't do their research. I would never turn against Seimei!

[Knowing Seven Moons, it's not a lack of research. ~~Ritsu-sensei has a way of manipulating other sacrifices by giving them enough slack to keep their dignity, whether they realize they're being moved or not~~. But Nisei smiles.]

Your brother's been ... hoping for that.

[Seimei's done so much and gone so far that he knows better than to take your affection for granted. There's so much more to him than the person you knew. But Nisei has seen how agitated he gets, when he really confronts the possibility that you might reject him. It's too terrible to contemplate. You're the only one Seimei loves and cares about being accepted by. He's too paranoid to let you change him, or let you know how much he depends on you. But it's his vulnarability that made his ice-walls so thick, when he last saw you.

There are a lot of things that Nisei really dislikes about you. As in, would exploit and hurt in a heartbeat, if you weren't under Seimei's protection. The way you absorb your mom's abuse, and heap your own recriminations on top of it, makes his skin crawl. And he's jealous, because without *doing* anything, you'll always be special to Seimei. You're weaker, you're softer, you're ignorant and easily lied to, and you still get an unconditional love that he'd kill for, and can't have. All of that said, he's glad that your feelings for Seimei are strong enough to burn through your reservations. He's glad that you're fierce about standing by your older brother. Nisei can't see you through his sacrifice's eyes, but he hates this whole situation a little less, knowing that Seimei chose someone who cares about him with just as much determined single-mindedness. And just as much disregard for external measures of right and wrong.]

Seimei could kill me, I would still love him. [He stands by this comment. And it is a single-mindedness. When he had though Seimei was murdered, he was driven to destroy whoever had done it. He wanted to make the people who took his brother from him suffer, and with Soubi by his side, he had had the means to do it. But then, Seimei wasn't dead. He could remember, written in blood, "Ritsuka I'm back." He hadn't been disgusted. He'd been excited. When he saw Seimei he hugged him, unable to believe his brother was alive once more. He wasn't repelled by the violence surely done to write the message in blood. He was upset about the things he had done to Soubi, but he still wanted to be beside Seimei. He loved his brother with a whole heart even though he hated being lied to. Because Seimei had lied, was still lying. But Ritsuka still loved him.]

['Had lied, is still lying' is an apt description of it. Given that it's Seimei, that part isn't likely to change.

Nisei's emotions disengage again from the conversation, like a fish undulating lazily into deeper water. This lets him think about what you're saying without distractions. His expression doesn't change.]

Then ... why don't you tell him? If you're willing to give up everything, what do you hesitate to lose?

For in_loveless_memory.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject