bloody_spy | For in_loveless

[Some conversations get personal quickly. But Nisei isn't emotionally invested enough in this one to mind. The serious look you're getting is mostly because he can tell that his smiles and lack of remorse were making you angry.]

[Nisei would emphatically reject the idea that he was forced. He is no one's victim. And he is Seimei's friend, even if it doesn't work both ways. That's normal, for a fighter, though it isn't something he's entirely comfortable with. Not caring is easier to explain than caring. It's a neutral space, in him, where you have a strong feeling. But he's not indifferent to what he did; he's undisturbed by it.]

[He wouldn't want you to insult Seimei, so he doesn't object. As long as you *know* you're letting your brother off the hook for, if anything, the more serious part of this, you aren't going to do anything too drastic to Nisei. As for being "sick" ...] I've been told that. But this is my true face, Ritsuka. I have many that get me in less trouble. But I don't have another one that's really me.

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[Nisei briefly considers pointing out that "I don't know" isn't a feeling. It's the avoidance of one. But he doesn't. Instead, you get a half-ironic ...]

Understood.

[Not that your words actually have the weight of an order.]

[His eyes suddenly widened when he realized what happened. He... had slipped into it so easily. Soubi kept asking again and again to be ordered. Even Natsuo would obey orders if they were direct. When he saw when fighters didn't... obey... like Mei. Things... fell apart.]

[You did. Nisei has to smile, at the fact that you don't have any qualms about telling him what to do. Except when you notice you're doing it. Except when he points it out, like he just did. His voice is soft, like he's running his tongue over an open wound to make it hurt less.]

The world you came from is at least as messed up as the one you really belong to. But if you care about what's right, and what isn't, you can't count on what you were told.

Soubi doesn't need you to be nice to him. Whether he's like that because he's a fighter, or he's like that because he was trained, it can't be undone. Enjoying him doesn't make you Ritsu-sensei.

[He's seen some of what goes into training objects, and you wouldn't be remotely capable of it.]

Then maybe I'm not meant to be a Sacrifice. Everyone is so sure that's what I'm supposed to be. But what makes me any different from someone not in that stupid underworld? I don't have a name anywhere, no matter how many times you all call me Loveless. Our parents sure as hell never were involved in this or someone would have insisted on telling me they were. But all of a sudden, Seimei is involved and now I am.

WHY? Who decides who is a Sacrifice? What makes me LOOK like a Sacrifice?

[He was so sick of this. So sick of being dragged around by the nose and not being told anything.] I can't do spell battles, the only reason I even found out about the threads or the ability to sense other pairs was because Natsuo told me. And even after being shown, I don't see it and I can't do it. Where is the "Loveless" fighter if I am in fact the sacrifice? AND WHY WAS I ONLY TOLD NOW? Clearly they don't have an issue with involving little kids since Mei is younger than me and Soubi even younger when he was inducted into this!

[Nisei is making an invisible effort not to roll his eyes at you, with your repetitive variations on "what if I'm not who everyone thinks I am?" He knows why you're insecure about that. But asking him how he knows you're a sacrifice is like asking him to prove you're a human and not a rabbit; the "where do I even begin?" is preceded by a resentful stab of "why is this even necessary?"

Though he can see that it's also hard on you, and his annoyance isn't really comparable to your disorientation, empathy has never been one of his qualities. He's faking patience. But he's good at it.]

You ask even more questions than I did. [He grins.] And I don't come from a family, so there was a lot I didn't believe. My parents were outsiders. Anyway, you can - you are doing spell battles. If you weren't a sacrifice, no one could use you as an anchor. The first spell that got through Soubi's guard would finish you, because a perfectly normal amount of restriction could pulp your throat. I've seen the chains wrap around you. I've put them there myself. There's no way you're anything but a sacrifice.

[Nisei has other ways of knowing this, but he's pretty sure any explanation that started with "I can feel your energy. It's unmistakable," would freak you out.]

[By being bound in chains, he proved that he was a part of this underworld.

It was sickly poetic.]

[Well, it's a bit like getting The Talk from a sex offender. This probably isn't how someone more normal would explain it to you, it's just the most obvious way he can think of.

Although there's also ... he looks like he's taking something from thin air and twisting it between his fingers, but then it resolves into a jet-black thread coming out of his chest and stretching out into the distance. It catches the sun as it moves, glittering darkly. It's only a little thinner than the cord on Nisei's headphones, but it stands out as starkly as the name written on his other hand. Bonds saturated with love are ethereal; luminous and weightless, tracing impossible curves in the air. A chain like the one connecting him to Seimei looks like someone managed to condense enough steel to hold up a bridge into piano wire. It's as distinct as any other physical object, despite the gossamer shimmer of magic.]

No one starts out being able to see bonds. [He says softly. And as soon as he lets go of his, it fades into invisibility again.]

For in_loveless_memory.

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